Normality

When some people picture a "typical wedding", they might imagine one that takes place at a chapel with the bride in a beautiful white dress and the groom in a tuxedo. There's most likely bridesmaids, a flower girl, a best man, etc. Meanwhile, when I imagine a "typical wedding", I think of a beautiful South Indian wedding full of lots of colors, food, and festivities. The bride is probably in a lovely saree, fully decked out in jewelry, and the venue is bursting with conversation and music. However, this difference brings me to wonder what the "typical wedding" actually is.

Putting cultures aside, as each culture has its own unique traditions, let's focus on types of weddings. If you ask any of my cousins living in India if they want a non-arranged marriage, their answer is a clear "No". You might wonder, why would they want an arranged marriage? Most Americans seem to find the idea repulsive, as they believe in finding love before marriage. For my cousins, however, an arranged marriage is "normal", as it is all they've grown up with. My aunts, uncles, and parents all had arranged marriages, and they're all happily married. To them, this is normal.

After doing a little research, I found that over half of the world's weddings are arranged (that's crazy!!) Maybe surprising to many of you, they have a higher success rate than the usual American wedding (4% divorce rate vs a 40% divorce rate). In part, this could be due to the shame associated with divorce in cultures that encourage arranged marriage. Despite this, I believe that it is more due to the idea that an arranged marriage is between two families and not just two people. At least for my cousins, they trust their families to choose a significant other for them that can provide for them and has a cooperative family. Basically, arranged marriages seem to focus more on the bigger picture rather than just two people (like most Western weddings). 

Now, let me just add a quick disclaimer. Personally, I don't want to have an arranged marriage, and I don't really believe in the whole "love after marriage" situation. Additionally, I do not condone child marriages or abusive marriages in any way. Instead, I'm just trying to say that what may seem bizarre to us could be considered "normal" to someone else.

We define a "normal" based on our own upbringings and environment. Maybe an arranged marriage isn't for me, but if my cousins are content with the idea, and they find a good partner, then so be it. Perhaps, it's not about "how to do it 'right'" (Didion); it's simply about broadening our own horizons and realizing that there's more than one way to do something special.

My brother and I at my cousin's arranged marriage (almost 2 years ago)

Comments

  1. Esther ChoiMarch 17, 2019 at 5:11 PM

    Dhatri, I really liked your post! I agree that we should all embody empathy and realize that there isn't a universal definition of what is "right". I find it interesting that arranged marriages have a really low divorce rate. As a person who doesn't come from a culture where arranged marriages are common, I always found that there is a lot of negative connotation associated with arranged marriages. But then again, I realize that someone's version of "normal" isn't necessarily another person's. Thank you for this post!

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