Why Don't I Have my Life Together?

Recently, I've had numerous discussions about how close I am to being a senior. It's kind of crazy honestly; I've never imagined actually getting to that point.

When my brother was a senior, I used to look at him and see a mature, independent, and respected person. He seemed to have his life together and know exactly what he was doing all the time. However, when I look at myself, I don't feel that I embody the same qualities that define "senior" to me. Granted, I am a junior, but I don't think I can suddenly get everything together in less than a year.

As I write this post, I definitely don't have my life "together". There's so much homework left to do, projects to complete, activities to attend, and more. My life is no way serene; there is a constant amount of balanced chaos underlying it. Maybe that's stressful for me a lot of the time, but I still wonder if I would ever want it to be fully tranquil.
"The moth having righted himself now lay most decently and uncomplainingly composed." - Virginia Woolf
When speaking on the moth in Woolf's piece, its "struggle" to escape the hands of death was present until the end. The only time the moth was "uncomplainingly composed" was at the time of its last breath. Perhaps, life is not meant to be a static routine. If I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my future at this moment, it would be great. Unfortunately, that's not my life.

Maybe I won't be relaxed and stress-free all the time, but, hey, that's okay! I would much rather live an interesting and spontaneous life than one where I did the same thing every day and knew exactly what I was doing all the time. There's so much outside pressure to seem put together as we leave our hole of familiarity called high school. But, what do we define as "put together"? It may actually be that "put together" is not being sure of yourself all the time; instead, it could just be the ability to confidently face adversity constantly as you move forward.


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